One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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