Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
