I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He passed out mid-signature
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
