You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
