so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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