I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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