I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
