Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
