Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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