You really coming over, don't trick.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
