fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
