tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
