Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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