I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
