My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
