Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
