I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
