He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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