moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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