the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
