I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
