imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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