i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
