I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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