Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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