Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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