I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
