if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
