Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
