sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
