so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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