He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
