Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize