you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
