I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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