I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
