You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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