3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
