I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
