Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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