I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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