Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
