I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
only if we run a train.
done.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
