Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
