sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
