i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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