Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
