Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
