i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
