so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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