i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
