Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
