I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
