Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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