Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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