My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
