did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tell her she can't have a vagina
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
