it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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