There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
