we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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