i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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