To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
