and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
