Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize