Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
