I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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