Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
that may or may not have been my penis.
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