There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
