I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
