Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
