just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize