Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
