Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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