All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
