You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
