No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
