And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
