When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
